OK, here’s what you need to know.

1) Exam periods, like May and December, are sacred to exams. To studying. To freaking out about exams. When he’s not studying for exams, he will need either food or sleep or clean laundry. Pretend that, instead of a husband, you have a room-and-boarder for a month; it’ll be a relief to both of you.

2) When your husband gets to grad school, you will be proud of him and will enjoy telling new acquaintances that “my husband is in so-and-so college studying such-and-such.” Dear sister, instead of boasting you should begin praying for the peace of Jerusalem.

3) When he gets to rotations or clinicals or anything similar, you will be excited because you will see this as the beginning of the end. It is, in the sense that it’s like the time you were in labor (sorry) (it’s the most relevant example I can think of) and they said, “It’s time to push,” and you were relieved because you thought it was the beginning of the end. And then you pushed for three ever-loving hours that later made you think, Never again. So help me. That is how excited you should be about rotations.

4) Which brings me to the next thing you should know: Children. If you have kids while your husband is in school, plan them so that they aren’t born during exams. Because if you have a new baby or go into labor during exams, even the peace of Jerusalem isn’t going to give your husband time to study. (Kind friends and family members will help out, though, enabling your husband to stay in school and both of you to stay happily married to each other.)

5) You can raise kids while your husband is in rotations. Just know that rotations are like exam periods times two, and they last a lot longer than one month. You will be responsible for most of the diaper changes, mealtimes, snotty noses, bedtimes, baths, spankings, stories, snacks, potty breaks and questions a toddler and a baby can generate or require. They will be all yours. For WEEKS and WEEKS.

6) Someday your husband will graduate from school (this bit of advice is given in faith at this point). Both of you will be happy–and a tiny bit sad–when that day comes. Make him go to the graduation ceremony if for no other reason than that you stayed married to him through school and you are! going! to watch him walk across that stage in his cap and gown while you cry because you are so relieved but mostly just so proud of him.

There. NOW do you still want to marry a student?

😀

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